she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
