I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
