My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
