is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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