Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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