Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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