I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
