And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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