I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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