Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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