Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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