If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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