why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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