Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
