If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
