Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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