Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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