we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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