The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
