i permit you to call me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
