D3 body, D1 cock
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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