I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
