why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
