Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
