He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
