I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
