So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
