She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
