Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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