Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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