Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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