# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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