note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
