im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
