Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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