What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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