yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
