Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize