id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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