He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
