brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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