What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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