She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
