Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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