I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
