It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
