ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize