i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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