We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
