I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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