So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
