They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
