so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize