the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
