I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
