butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
