i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
