I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
