I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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