I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
