i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
