there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
