Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
