I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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