At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
