Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
